


Mistakes

by wildeisms



Category: BioShock Infinite
Genre: Canon Angst And Then Some, Gen, Trans Male Character, Transgender Booker DeWitt, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 07:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11413518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildeisms/pseuds/wildeisms
Summary: Booker couldn’t pretend he had wanted to be a father. It had been an accident, really, a drunken fumble with a man whose name he couldn’t even remember, another fuck up to add to his already extensive list of mistakes, a list that shouldn’t be so long at such a young age.





	Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about 15 minutes because I had to get the idea out of my brain and onto my keyboard so badly that it couldn't wait for me to plan anything longer or better.

Booker couldn’t pretend he had wanted to be a father. It had been an accident, really, a drunken fumble with a man whose name he couldn’t even remember, another fuck up to add to his already extensive list of mistakes, a list that shouldn’t be so long at such a young age.

But something in him, some fundamental instinct, made him want to protect the thing growing inside him from the moment he learned of its existence, to finally create and protect rather than destroy and harm. But he could barely afford to feed and clothe himself, let alone a whole other person, not on the pitiful income he was making. And especially not when he wouldn’t exactly be able to work for a while once the kid was born, nor show his face in public when its existence inside him became too noticeable for anyone to call him male. No, he needed money and he needed it yesterday.

So he did the only thing he could think to do: he gambled. If he could just turn a dollar into two, then two into four, he might be able to do this, to keep his baby safe and cared for. He might just be able to make one good thing come out of his miserable excuse for an existence. And each time he lost, he convinced himself his luck was about to change, that he could turn it all around if he just tried one more time. He’d borrow money, and when he hit his lucky streak he could pay it all back and have enough spare to take care of his kid. It would all work out. He could make it work out.

Except it didn’t, and he couldn’t.

He stopped opening his mail first. It was all the same, people clamouring for money he didn’t have. Then he moved into his office - if he didn’t find some way of cutting down on expenses, he would lose both his apartment and his office, and then what would he do? - and slowly started to shut himself away. He stopped taking on work altogether when he got too big and too tired to do much more than sit around and whisper promises to his unborn child that he knew in his heart he wouldn’t be able to keep. What kind of life was this kid going to have, with no mother and no proper home and a dad who could barely keep food on the table? Was he wrong to bring it into the world when this was all he had to offer?

The baby was born two months later in that very office, and they both spent most of the night in tears. He named her Annabelle and held her as they wept, his body and heart aching. She was beautiful and perfect, untainted by the harsh realities of life, but for how long? All he had to give was his love, and vast though it may be, that wasn’t enough. He had nothing, less than nothing, and the people he owed money to wanted it back. And they were not the sort of people you wanted to cross, not if you liked having both of your legs and all your fingers intact. 

Then Robert Lutece knocked on his door. ‘Give us the girl and wipe away the debt’. She was the only good thing in his world, his baby Anna, and for a time, he resisted. They couldn’t take her, he would find some other way, any other way to pay back what he owed. 

But no other way came. He was getting desperate, and he didn’t like to think what would happen if he ran out of time. So, with tears in his eyes, he handed over the light of his life and begged the man to look after her. The man seemed well put-together, and perhaps the life she would have with him would be better than any he could provide for her.

It took less than five minutes for him to regret his decision, to chase the man down and try to take her back. But it was too late. She was gone and he could only drown himself in guilt and booze as he tried to forget his mistakes.


End file.
